It was devastating. You are willing to give all for this person, but once they have you right where they want you, they just leave or do something really hurtful because they have no regards for your feelings and they do not take the time to consider your needs or where you are coming from when you complain about something.
You are very lucky she dumped you. My N sister keeps me around for a punching bag. There have been a couple of times when I refused to talk or be around her but I felt guilty since she is my only sister and she has no husband or children. Being a Christian…I struggle with doing the right thing. We had a couple of good years until recently. Something trivial set her off. I guess since things had been going good, I let my guard down and talked to her like I talk to everyone.
I am trying not to talk to her but she baits me by asking me some questions but even the shortest simplest answers give her something to criticize. Her replies do not even make a logical connection and I feel like I am losing my mind. To make it worse she is extremely jealous.
She often tries to take credit for things I do. Like the family tree that I have invested years on she posted for everyone to see that she had helped by giving me the information.
I am not doing it for credit but she certainly knows how to rob me of any joy. I am almost 76 years old and I have had it. However, I have given my all and she makes me out to be a horrible person. It is a no win situation for me. The absolute only person that totally understands is my husband. The only solution is get away from these people.
I never know what to call him after 18yrs and no marriage but it really is a marriage i love him with all my heart. Is there anyway a narcissist can change? I dont know what to do. His verbal abuse, blaming and putdowns have got me at wits end. This is breaking my heart. Im hoping that she will tell him the error in his waysand of course mine too. Beware of whatever the narcissist is nagging you for, no matter how reasonable and lofty it sounds — including marriage counseling.
It happened to me. That is a great point, Anne. There are not enough people trained in how to deal with this disorder to offer effective help.
Really pertinent, Roni and Anne. I have been at the receiving end of this manipulative behaviour, was mindful and fully aware of the potential fallout. Guard against falling for it. HE to played the counselor card he just blamed the counselor played his manipulation games and continued the behaviours.
This is sound wisdom. Couple counseling will not work with these types. In my case it is even worse. I think the therapist was a narc imagine the power and control.
My therapist went to counseling with her narc officer husband and he fooled 5 therapists. If a therapist does happen to catch onthey will switch therapists. She has yet to see ONE of these people change.
Good luck. Please continue to read everything you can about narc abuse…it has literally saved me from brink of nervous breakdown! Others sharing their stories and insight will probably help you more than therapy ever will anyway! Hang on! I am living with a person who says yes to everything we spend but somehow I am the spender?
Yes, I think I have been too stupid. My ex that I left many times for cheating on me always begged me back to blame the cheating on me to make me feel I was doing something wrong. Thank you for this post. Ns operate out of a handbook I swear. During the final discard, my xN lashed out at me for something extremely trivial. He stormed out of our house and preceded to attack me over text message for hours. When I pleaded with him to stop he told me to stop making everything about myself and let him talk.
When I told him to stop hiding behind text and come say all thi to my face he told me to go f myself, get some boxes, pack my sh? Of course after all was said and done, I was responsible for making him so angry. I brought him to this level and this is why he HAD to do what he did. I had abused and hurt him, MY inner struggle apparently ran too deep. Self righteous asshole…. We are not kids.
I am going to be 65 — We married 2 yrs ago. I was his 3rd wife and we only lasted a little over 2 yrs. The respect was gone — no trust — no intimacy.
Just anger and constant fights. He spent money like water and gave me none. It was all about him and what HE wanted. He ignored me on our anniversary, Christmas, and ruined my last birthday by spending all day working on his car in the garage.
The kicker?? I was married before — 31 yrs. He isolated me from them — complained when I wanted to see my only grandchild — and kept me a prisoner. I moved out yesterday. We did go to a marriage counselor. He replied. Her face turned to stone. But they are arrested in emotional development at 6. There is more to life than being miserable. Learn and move on. Jekkyl and Mr. Good luck to you all.
OMGosh, every thing Kay said was meright down to the word I use, kicker. But I stayed 14 yrs preped 4 last 2 and left MY housegave my horse away, I didnt want to end up like a 23 yr old I knewdead. A N rage is scary. I am 7 months into the divorce, cost over 10 k. Fired 1 st attorney. Do not ever hire someone in a firm. They will screw u at the same time as him. I tryed to leave a message at the home but he answeredwasnt at work.
Short version, met him for coffie to show him paperwork and made it clear if not sighned and to bank in 2 days we will go to trial.
Oh well! We met at my attorney with the papers and then to the bank to start his loan to by my home. Got a sweet deal. I made sure I let him know why I left. So then he tells the banker we are getting back togerthe….
Falls apart…. Pleased to say he has not called me in 23 days! He was going to suck me back in so he could SPIT me out! Not going to happen cause I never shed 1 tear but rejoiced since I left. Feelings are still there for me but only for the love that I wanted but never got.
Oh and u can make an agreement with a N even have him sighn itlike it means something ha. These web sites have been healing. I have been telling him since i was pregnant with my first child 6 years ago to get out, and he wont. I have really pleaded with the guy to leave the last 2, with detachment, with begging, with calling out to god. I own it outright. Thanks for this Kay. I am in the same situation. I am 63 and have been married to him for 18 years.
I cannot take it anymore. But I am scared to go up against him in court. He thinks everything is his. I signed a prenup…thinking we would never get divorced. He is hanging on to that piece of paper with a smile on his face. I hope you left him. So what if he has a piece of paper? How much is your freedom worth? We need to set boundaries, say NO, refuse to take blame for something we did not do — THEY cannot take responsibility for their bad decisions, have no accountability.
MAKE him accountable. Refuse bad behavior…. Set limits. Show them you are NOT weak and can survive just fine without them.
They are mentally disordered people, not wired like us. It is ingrained. IF that is what you choose to do. Some of us do choose to stay. Follow my lead. Do not engage in arguments. You will lose. They twist the truth, make up stories, call you a liar, say you are crazy. Do not ever expect anything. Do not ask for anything. It takes a strong person to deal with a narcissist. Be self sufficient and keep your finances separate if you can.
They believe in quid pro quid. This is not about love. My Dad was a narcissist. We lived a horrific life with this unrelenting, nasty, excuse for a Father. You have children??
You are setting a horrible example accepting this behavior and showing your kids that it is OK to abuse people — or accept the abuse. Save your children. There is hope for them. It cannot be done. Mine destroyed my reputation At home — I was the best thing that ever happened to him. This family never accepted me because of the lies. Just live your life — and give up the idea that you can prove him wrong. Put up a wall. Put up an imaginary bubble around you.
It will be forgotten in 5 minutes. They are just spewing their nasty venom. Just ride the wave. The more I read these comments my ex husband is now making so much more sense at to the way he treats me now! I just had court yesterday, we divorced latebut he just filed a motion to modify child support we share 3 childrenas well as parental rights and a few other things, he filed this motion in February shortly after meeting his now fiance, and was just mediated yesterday.
Long story short, inafter 8 years of marriage, we divorced ford numerous reasons, two of the biggest is for the last 2 years of our marriage, he forgot I existed, would sleep on the couch, be out with friends, etc… second reason, he slept with a woman right in front of me. He left to be a civilian contractor overseas for 2 years, and when he finished that, he decided to move to Wisconsin the kids and I live in Maine.
I mean, he and his mother verbally attacked me right outside the courtroom where we just agreed to the terms! If anyone has any ideas or even wants to share contact info for support I would greatly appreciate it! Daisy — So this is two years old now. I have an 8 year old son and my narcissist ex is trying to modify custody now and trying to dig up anything he can and make up things, doing anything to make me look bad.
My N was identified by a counselor that he actually set me up to counsel with. I am a christian and I have seeked counsel with pastors who have told me to stay and be a submissive wife. It Does Not help that the N tells the pastors or counselors that I am crazy and relates my reactions of extreme exasperation due to his gaslighting and blame shifting modes of operation.
My oldest son 19 has been using drugs and now he is in the process of getting clean. He has psychological issues that developed due the drug use. The N is not helping our sons fragile state of mind. I feel like I am going to lose my mind. Trying to be the voice of reason with the two of them.
Getting out is so hard. I feel so afraid and alone and scared to leave, and I hate myself for staying and putting my children through this. But I feel that it is getting close, and I am getting stronger…. Oh side note. I have hypothyroid. Over the past year my N has been at his worst. He has been out of state at work and school for about nine months. So like I said I am on the mend and feeling stronger and maybe more confident to move on. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
God Bless. How are you doing now? I have so many of your symptoms from the narssisst abuse. I lived 15 years with my cruel narsisst husband who I am now divorcing. He abused me and my children verbally,emotionally,physically and sexually abused me and financially abused me. I got so exhausted and felt like i was dying physically.
I couldnt think and he would tell me in front of my kids that i didnt love them and was a horrible mother and that i left them as soon as they went to sleep at night to go out with numerous men.
He had all his friends calling me the monster. They didnt see him hitting my kids and beating me in the head and picking me up and slamming me to the ground. He also used to tell me Hole In My Life - Police* - Walking kill myself and no one would miss me.
I had a very serious life threatening allergic reaction to a bug bite one time and when i asked for a five dollar box of benedryle for it he told me not to bother him. I am trying to get out of this now but am so sick i developed severe panic attacks and its really hard.
Sorry to tell you all this but when i saw you were a christian like me and went through this too I really wanted to talk to you. She blames me for him and he blames me for her and no matter what I do, I am always to blame. He never admits it when he really is to blame. Tonight he tried talking about our problems.
He stayed quiet and allowed me to open up. I poured out some of my issues regarding him and our marriage. Are you kidding me. I had to leave the room. I decided to sleep on the couch. I feel so unloved, mistreated, and beat down emotionally.
Great advice, Kay. Stay strong, Mimi. Dont Stand So Lonely (CD) in your mind that he is wrong, not you. Go with your gut. You stay the bigger person. He knows where the door is. Thansk for the advice… Its going on 4 years this July. Have I him Sept after i choked me telling me if i keft him he sould kill me… I was sleepinh with everyone but him according to him-yea with a one year old and new born.
Not that he wpuldve known since he was never around only to come check on me and take my money and get a hot meal and want sex. After leaving my life got a little better besides the accusations of sleeping with men infront of the kids and all the nasty inappropriate things you can imagine.
So this Dec he begged he changed said he soukd die showing me he was the one. Blaming me saying i dont appreciate him. But he wants more and im only human with w babies… Everythings me. And cuz i do blames me for bitching all the time- he does nothing good ough. Thats why he stays away. I finally had enough again nit he wint leave. Saying my fault its not working. And im just done. Thanks all and good luck. I am 46 and met my narcissistic Jekyll and Hyde 6 years ago.
Looking back now I can see how vulnerable I was. He is handsome strong and sooo charming, declarations of love came after 1 week. My first husband had committed suicide 2 years earlier and our son Was only 8 years old at the time, so 2 years of grieving and depression were lifted when I met Rob.
He had moved in after only 3 weeks. I was the woman of his dreams, his soul mate…. My man was damaged former drug addict. Little did I know the real truth, which came out gradually. He had mountains of debt, unpaid credit cards, debt collectors, child support 4 children he seems to have forgotten existeddebt in other names, the list goes on. The first time we argued about this, he spat in my face. When I regretfully slapped him, he decked me.
I bought it all, to preserve my illusion of the perfect relationship. Since then I have been called every name in the bin. And yet I am a professional woman, with a brilliant career — how could this happen? The final straw came when he said he wants a gun and was getting one from a mate just last weekend. When I put my foot down, he threw a tantrum and threatened to leave. I blame myself for being so stupid.
I was worried about being alone but have realised that I have been for the longest time. At 46 I will rebuild. I am In Counselling and learning to stop blaming myself. I read all this and feel two things, relief and disgust. It is him and I cannot fix him. Thanks ladies for sharing your story… It feels good to hear solution to the problem. May God bless us beautiful woman with peace and love.
Kellydog, your comment made me cry. I just can really connect with the fact of being scared of being alone yet for the first time in 6 years have just realised iv been alone all the time. Yet I work myself, run my own home and take care of my children. Over the last 6 years he has used, yelled, screamed and demanded from me.
He calls me awful names when he argues, bitch, slag, fat etc. Definitely dont get housing or finances together. His behavior is not right, you know it and you should listen to your gut feeling pls, before it gets worse or harder.
You were the prime target. So was I. Just been through depression, my mother passed away. My siblings started fighting over the will. I was alone. This is the when you need love and ignore the normal warning signs.
Hope things are going well for you now. So true, I had a similar situation after losing my father my only family. My defences where down and I let in the devil.
Omg just been through the same thing. Could I possibly have your email address please. Would love one empowerment righ now. I been through the same case. I have been lied to only to be told it was my fault. I have been forced to do things to show my loyalty. Things I am ashamed of. I am 30 with two kids and I am in a bad case of depression. I thought about hurting myself because I have blamed myself for our marriage problems so much. I have called help but it going to take three weeks just to get seen.
I feel so ashamed. Kay Your story is a lot like my own. My situation goes a little deeper, as the master manipulator is my father. It was until recently that I put the puzzle together which is a bit embarrassing, really, but I had to know what was going on with my father all these years and why my siblings and I have struggled through our own issues, namely, low self-esteem. You are right to say they will not listen, no matter how passionate you are about your feelings.
Just remember……Your views and opinions are important, even if they are right or wrong. You have JUST as much right to speak your mind. Believe in yourself. Leaving them behind might be the only option you have, but at least you can have your life back. Your comment summed up my situation better than any other.
I just want to thank you for posting. You never know how many people you may help, but I am definitely one. I have been gone from my husbands home for two weeks. I am living with my best friend who happens to be a therapist and am so fortunate to have her. I did so much covering and lying for him and most of my friends and family had no clue what I was living with.
I knew when I left that I would have to just be okay with no closure and him acting like the victim and lying about me. So far, so good. He is pulling strings but they have no effect on me. Let me rephrase. It affects me emotionally, but I am determined not to go back. I found this site by googling abusers acting like a victim.
What an eye opener!!! Again, thank you. I married narc 26 years. I stayed because of my fear of being alone and codependency. But seeing lawyer today I have to get out. They can make you miserable and sick. Everything is my fault never takes responsibility or blame. I was married 27 years to a narcissist, I was always jumping through hoops that were never enough. I was married and alone. I was to blame for his miserable existence. I did not find out many of his broken damaged behaviors till 6 yrs into the relationship.
Like previous cutting of himself, suicidal ideology, etc… I always knew I was not the problem and tried to reason with him about it, but was put down, and eventually threatened and abused. He was very sexually abusive too. Best thing I ever did was finally go for counseling and take their advice. Opened my eyes and validated me and my experiences with him as so dysfunctional.
Great article here, thanks for sharing it. When I think I am ok something new happens. My N was at my grand kids BD party, and daughter inlaws friend lives in same hud housing as Iwas spending alot of time with him talking and laughing ALOT, kinda flirt like. I am freaked out as 1 I dont want him to know where I am and how hurtful if he starts up with her. I know he needs a target and she is the only single girl his age available to him.
I bet its started already. Sound jealous. Yes but only because I dont want it in my world my son he said he helped raise. I am getting my perspective again as I write. Hes not my problem anymore and I did the moraly right thing and warned my sons wife about the N. And my jobs done. When he hurts herbelieving it will happen then maybe my son will believe me aboutthe abuse I suffered for 15 yrs.
I rented a storage today and I need to get my lefto er stuff out before I see something icant dealwith. Its hard. I left myhome to besafe and he is a smug sob, I told my aattorney today I would like to wipe the smug look off his face withmanure! Oh wellanother day wishing I hadnt talked to him after 6 months of not. But it got the divorce papers to the tablealmost there! Complete break is theonly way to get away. I was fine for 6 months but now I am trying to crawl back to fine.
Obviously, it is immature when narcissists turn around and blame the other person, when the narcissist started the problem, but do the narcissists truly believe that the other person is to blame? I have learned not to say much if anything around the narcissist that I know, because anything I say around her, her wording about what I said is always twisted around in a way to make me look like the guilty person.
In addition, I have found that narcissists are incredibly cheap with money, even if they have very high salaries. That question interests me too, they seem so natural and instinctive with the reactionary tantrums it comes across as pure instinct, like a dog biting you if you hurt it.
And yes, mean-fisted, but also selective and conditional. Yes their tantrums are completly rehearsed and they try to ever cross the border and lower the line of how far they can cross from the initial shock attack when a narc reveals their true nature behind clossed doors, they wish to aleinate you and proove how rubbish you are if you dare to respond to thier behavior, they wish to abuse your love in to apatrhy in to hate to show you that you are wrong and not their unreasonable child like temper tantrums, nothing is good enough for a nrc and it wont take long before they turn everything you love about life in to missery.
There was nothing to love about life in that simmering hellhole. I was a little child, and for as long as I can remember I was being crushed and violated. Nothing was mine, nothing was sacred, and I was to constantly acknowledge the repeated mantra of how I had no idea how lucky I was to have parents who took care of me. He had me genuinely believing all alternatives were even worse. Takes a long time to unlearn all that!
I get blamed for everything. If i try to show and make sense of the truth and he finally sees im right which with him its always who is right and who is wrong, never a misunderstanding, he then will argue for the truth of the same thing I am saying just in a different way. As long as I am a good little girl and kiss butt all is good. My faith helped me throug.
On his birthday I went to church said a prayer. The peace I found there. The morning sun shone through the stainglass window. I talk to God and my son this helps. I call it the blackness when I just cry for the loss my heart half missing. Then I carry on. So I live my life work this helps. Some of my family I tolerate but mostly I like being at home where if the blackness cones I can weep without worrying then resume.
I have to keep busy. I am changed things no longer matter I am stronger because nothing can be as loosing a child I feel like someone cut away half my soul and heart. I asked my dr when will I be me again she said you will never be you again only a different you. Now I happy with simpler things my garden my dogs sunny days. My son is always in my heart and thoughts.
Thank you for sharing the feelings and so adeptly describing the emotions that are felt. We lost our only son recently and are still shattered by his absence. But as I sit here waiting on my therapist to call. I came across your story. I have been trying to deal with my Only Son death for 7 months and it has been the most hardest thing to deal with.
Please help. I hurt beyond belief. All dates so maybe nobody in will ever see or read this. My son died 26 days ago. Do I count his last day on earth as a living day or dying day. I worry about that and it speaks to my state of mind. He shot himself, completely unexpectedly to his wife, co-workers, friends, Dad and me all of whom he had a close, open relationship with. Something happened.
I am still in shock. Now 18 months later, I am in a strange place, adrift, unhappy but anchored to humanity through my son. My sadness just is me now. I am waking up, have to work, come home, pet the dog, watch TV and ask him aloud daily why, where are you, can you hear me? I also am doubting my faith in God because of the obvious reasons. No I want my child. Maybe I would have gleaned something that could have saved him.
I feel as if numbness is the new me forever. I just as soon that it be, because I am terrified of accepting that he could do this to himself when he seemingly had every success a man could want in life.
So what happened? Why did he feel so desolate with a young son, just 2 years married, Mom in town, new house and a job he loved? I should be the one who died, not him. Not him.
But here I reluctantly remain, stuck on earth for another awful few decades to live as a shell of a human, with no hope for joy or satisfaction in sharing my life with my beloved son. I have responded to every comment. I am and continue to be incredibly moved by the people behind the comments.
I feel you because I feel me and have felt some similar feelings. My desire to connect is to let you hear a voice of someone who has been down this wretched path before you. Hopefully, if we talk, I can pass along some resources that have helped me. It has been 7 monthes since I lost my son Joshua is was 33 years old the horrible desiese of cancer took him.
What a horrible painful death I was able to be his care taker for the nine monthes that he fought to stay here with his family.
It is exhausting I would give anything to just touch his bearded check just one more day. Joshua I miss you so much. So inspiring. I commend you for persevering through and not surrendering to the depths of darkness of grief. I too lost a son he was But I like you have choose to keep forging ahead. I am and will always be connected to my son.
I strive to always keep his memory alive. He now lives through me. Much love and peace, from one mother to another in grief. My 47 son Todd just died from sudden cardiac arrest. It is a month now and I feel like I am dying. I see no hope at the end of tunnel.
Loved him so so much. He seemed like my young son was walking 5 to10 Miles. He said he felt like he had abused his body And had lost 40 lbs to I am so sorry that you had to witness him being in pain.
It is not horrible to want some relief fro your own pain. It is natural. Please know that this experience does change. I often feel as though parents who have lost a child are real heroes. Getting out of bed and taking one step forward when your world has fallen apart is heroic.
There will never be fanfare for this heroism. Keeping Richard alive in my thoughts and meditation helps me. Like you I am always connected to my son and I strive to expand our connection.
I invite him to let me know of his presence in my life. If this might interest you, let me know. My heart breaks for you. I can barely remember a month after Richard died. Life was a blur. I can assure you that you are not dying but you are birthing another you. You will never be the same. I got the call from my daughter around am may 5, this year that my 57 year old son, Tony had died, I know that I shouted out, no, no, no, please no.
Within 30 minutes or so I knew what I had to do, and that was make the calls to funeral homes and make the necessary plans to care for his body. As I walked out the back entrance to my condo, there was a pigeon sitting on a railing within three feet of me and not making an effort to fly off. I took that as a sign from Tony that he was okay. I pray that I will see him again one day and we can go fishing together, and we can hug each other and I can tell him again how much I love him.
I regret so much not calling him back the last time he called me, other things got in the way. I hope that you will forgive me son. I love you Tony, always will, always have. Your father.
Thank you for writing your story, or part of it. I lost my son Kieran, aged 26 this March. He was such a huge part of my world. His death has fast tracked me to a life crossroads I had slowly and tentatively moving towards beforehand. A career change at 52 years is terrifying. Many friends say they hear Kieran and speak with him. They see him in dreams.
I rarely do. The forever of my loss of Kie is terrifying. Your words have brought me comfort and courage, many thanks, Irene. I lost my 43 yr old son 3 months ago. My feeling are all of your early thoughts. I dont understand how others can get signs, cardinals, a touch etc. But I cant get anything. Why cant i? Days just getting harder. Hi Irene, I am so sorry for your loss.
We share something very devastating. Since before he was born he and I were connected. I was aware of him, and the love I had for him grew. The surprise is that my love continues to grow. Now even after his death he is part of every single day. Oh my gosh, I feel for you. I will send you an email from my basia onelife.
We share something so devastating. Hi Irene, Dee, I am so sorry for your losses. I want you to know about a closed FB group that I run, I will send you an email from my basia onelife. Hello John, Of course, you will always love your Tony. You will always be his father. Not too many people have experienced the death of a grown, mature child. So many years of growth and change. I will message you via email, from my basia onelife. My 33 year old son died of Sepsis from pneumonia March 8. We talked daily and he was my best friend as well.
I am literally paralyzed. I am numb. I feel like vomiting all the time. I have no interest in life. I have so many questions and no answers. I have no support. I just feel nothing but dread. Thank you for writing and sharing this article. I just lost my 18 year old son in May of this year.
I am feeling completely lost in this world now without him. Dear Judy, my heart breaks for you…for us, really. My mom loves to bike ride and paddle board. My mom loves the sunshine and nature. Get out of bed, mom, Go do the things that you like. I cried while doing everything. But I felt him in the love of the things we did together. Please check your email inbox from me…basia onelife. My son died of a massive heart attack june 25on the front lawn. He had just come from work and was getting out of his work truck and passed.
Take me. But I will never understand why God would sacrifice his son Jesus and not himself. I am heartbroken to the core. Dear Mrs Mosinski, Thank you for this article. My 45 year old son died suddenly this week.
I am devastated. Just as you wrote, I too have called his name over and over trying to feel him somehow, but nothing so far. Your words have consoled me, somewhat but I am still broken-hearted. I lost my adult son 4 weeks ago. The never ending emptiness is overwhelming. I am overcome with lonliness and sadness. I sit on my couch and hold his ashes and cry my heart out.
I lost my son on June 19, and he had just turned 27 on June He was murdered and left on the concrete and was found in front of someones house am. The phone call from the police still haunts my dreams. Due to open police investivation I still dont know exactly his cause of death. I have 3 other kids daughter 13, sons 15 and I know I have them to live for and them seeing me so broken hurt me too.
I do have a strong presents of God in my but going back to church took alot for me. I pray for all of you and your loss of your child and thank you for your stories of hope. My 26 year-old son died unexpectedly June 1, It was always just us 3…we were extremely close. My daughter lives out of town, I see her about every few months, but we text almost daily. How is it fair to my deep love for him, that I could smile again? He will never smile or enjoy life ever again, how can I? I go to a psychologist regularly, but do not go anywhere else.
The horrendous heartbreak is unbearable. I even have physical ailments from this. I have faith in The Lord, but I have been questioning that lately. How could a loving God allow a good, kind and caring person die and allow evil people to live!? My struggle is overwhelming.
My heart goes out to all parents who have lost a child. Thank you, I really needed to hear this. My biggest thing is just being able to hold him or have him answer me back with his voice. That is just the mom in me. I think maybe he would really love for me to take an interest in things we talked about. Sue Rodriguez, I tried to email you at the yahoo. Please reach out to me at basia onelife. Dear Readers, when this article was originally published, I was able to respond directly to each comment.
I am no longer able to do that, so my responses tend to be free floating, although they are meant as a response to a comment. What I have done is begun to reach out to the email provided when you comment. I would never have written these words had it not been for my son Richard. You would not be reading these words had it not been for your child or loved one. I truly believe that the connections through them is important.
Your comment is a spark of light, in the darkness. Fanning the flame of the spark is our choice. OMG, Nicky, what you experienced is so horrendous. Of course, you will never get over this experience. It is all so fresh in your mind as well. There are a few tips that I can offer regarding the brain body connection of memory.
We are connected through our children. I would never have written those words had my precious Richard not passed. You would never have read my words had your beautiful son passed. I had a dream of Richard last night. I know he is with me in my work. This is my second son Ive lost. My first was when he was A car accident. It almost killed me.
But haf a husband and 3 other children and full time job to keep me going. That was 17 yrs ago. This past year my 37 yr old son had a stroke. I struggled with him from March till Dec1 when he took his own life.
And now I live alone. Its been such a struggle. Both my sons are in heaven. As they accepted God and made their conformation.
I just want them to love me like they did here. They say in heaven everyone loves each other the same. My husband is gone also. I want them to love me as mom.
Not like anyone else. Does anyone know of scripture that says if there is any soecial feelings for moms ir dads? Basia, Your story was so very touching, as well as others that I have read that have lost their children that breaks my heart.
He had asked me to move back for years, but something always came up to prevent it. Almost 8 months ago now, my 27 year old son C. I said sure. We chatted for awhile while he sat in traffic. Then all I heard was what sounded like the phone dropping and hitting on the way down until it hit the floor and hung up.
I called back, I knew something was wrong. No answer, just ranged. Finally after what seemed like maybe 45 minutes, the tow truck driver answered the phone. He informed me that my son had a cardiac arrest. He informed my of the closest hospital where my son was at. I thought it was a joke, until I got hold of the hospital and he was there in ICU and the nurse wanting to know if I was coming now.
I said yes. I got there to my son, he was on a vent machine, in a coma. I learned later that a young man pulled my son from his truck and his lips and face was Blue. My son was then rushed to the hospital. We were in ICU for 8 days, the doctors running test on my son with no results. I advocated for my son. I just knew he was going to open his eyes. The doctors have no reason why my healthy 27 year old baby passed. He is in the only 2 percentile to be able to donate all his organs, even his heart.
There was nothing wrong with his heart. My baby passed and I have no answers. He left behind a 7 month old daughter and a 5 year old son. I feel like I have had a body part ripped off of me. I begged God to please trade places with me in the hospital, take me and not my baby, that I was Old and he was just starting his young life. I only got 2 months. I gave birth to this child, I loved him before he was born. I nurtured him as an baby, toddler, little boy, the teenage years, and a beautiful young man.
Everything is falling apart around my ears, my marriage. Thank you for your time. Just an emotional day. Dear Bobbi, My heart breaks for you. Such a nightmare. I am so sorry. Please check your email. I am so sorry for your devastating losses. You and I share multiple losses…to this day the thought that this worst nightmare could happen to someone twice or more is mind boggling.
He was my life. I am in trouble… Getting Worse not better. It his me every single morning I wake up crying. About to lose job n idc… Lost everything already…. We were very close lifelong… I be want there n I feel I failed him somehow…I also lost my cats afterwards… Death send to follow me. I am going through the same thing with my 30 year old son, he may only have a day or days left. The grief is unbearable. My son is Doctor of Physics and one of the good guys who would never say a bad thing about anyone.
He has suffered so much over this past year…. Why has God allowed this. I have prayed with every ounce of my being to God to save my son, but nothing. Juli, my heart goes out to you. I have responded with a personal message. Please check you Inbox, Spam and Junk to be sure you find it from me: basia onelife.
They live through me now and reach people I would never have otherwise met. That has meaning to me. Patrick, I have responded to your email with a personal message. Have I left Planet Earth??? How is it possible that my Hole In My Life - Police* - Walking was here one day and gone forever the next. I posted this letter to his facebook page immediately after I stopped crying for a few minutes. It seemed the only way to release some of the intensity of emotions. Writing seems to help some. Dear Sorin: My grief and sadness are so profound I feel the pain in every molecule of my being.
The profanity of your death leaves me bereft and my soul feels scattered. I can hardly bare the truth, I will never see your smiling face again in this lifetime, I will never feel your hugs and I we will never have another wonderful conversation. I do know that I was blessed to have you for as long as I did and to share this journey called life.
I will see you again when I wake from this dream and we will celebrate but until then I will carry this burden of loss. There is no life without death, no joy without sadness, no pleasure without pain…we hold our breath and wait for the balance. Good Bye My Son! Mom loves you Kid! I will keep trying though. My heart goes out to each and every one of you that have felt the sledge hammer of the loss of a child.
It is uncanny that your son left such a profound message. I call these things the Mysteries of Life. I still shake my head four years later. I miss him so much. I find comfort when I meditate. I quiet my mind and connect with him in my soul through the unconditional love that well never change.
Dear Diana, I am grateful that Richard continues to bring me in contact with other parents, who know the deep waters like I do and continue to strive to get out in front of the waves like the best surfers, honoring their children with every attempt. Thank you for sharing. Today marks 14 months since I lost my 27 yr old son.
Love never dies. Thank you!!!! I always believe that things come to me as they were meant to happen…. Ginger, thank you so much for your comment. I can feel the love energy coming through. I sent you an email from my basia onelife.
So grateful to be connected. I arrived back home on new years eve to the home i shared with my eldest son. It felt eerily different, quiet. I called my sons name as i went through the door, but there was no reply. He had passed away on the sofa, i screamed at him to not be dead. I rang the emergency services who instructed me to get him onto the floor and comence cpr, which i did through screams for him to wake up, the emergency services arrived but it was too late.
My much loved, troubled son was gone, there and then my life as i knew it was changed forever. I have to believe i will be reunited with my son when the time is right but i pray it is soon as i cannot bear the thought of it being a long drawn out time till i see him again.
Is that selfish of me, to want to leave my two remaining children and my grandchildren without a mother or grand mother? Your story touched me deeply, i understand your grief, your loss. I would love to hear from you, but i dont know if thats possible. Hello, We lost our Beautiful Son Robert inhe was But now I feel as if he cannot find me. I keep asking for a sign, Keep hoping he will come to me in my dreams would a spiritualist help Thankyou for listening.
Are you on FaceBook? I think it might be a good fit for you. Please reach me via email: basia onelife. In fact, the ones who get lost are us the grieving parents! We get lost and disoriented because everything has changed.
When you get settled he will be able to make connection. Open to Our Angels will help. Today is Nov 9th, my 21 yr old son Cameron passed away on Nov 6th I just left the funeral home with his mother, brother, his wife and my wife making arrangements for him.
I had text him for months and called. But out of the blue, he called and text me Monday night and we spoke for around 11 mins. We made small talk and he aplogized for not talking with me for all those months. We made plans together to discuss some hard feelings he had, but only wanted to tell me in person. After saying our love yous we hung up. I felt I needed to reach back out to him and text again with no answer.
In the middle of my drive she called back and told me to go to her house instead. I knew then he was gone. We are still waiting to find out what happened which may take a few days to months.
This journey is just starting for our family and I am angry beyond believe at my self for not being there, doing more and getting the him help that he needed. No need to find an excuse to be alive. My mother think that she know me well but she was never. She is just someone who were coward that want to put blame on me for everything.
I have always been suicidal and am not sure why I am still here. I am very much uncomfortable with sex. Do u no wot ur right but these pricks in nhs laugh at u they say he pissed. I have had a letter from my Gp surgery mangersaying they went a meeting on the 30th January in order to discuss a recent letter from the meeting is with my social worker and the landlord this letter is making me feel anxious what should l do.
My name is Tina. No physical or psychological reason has really ever been discovered. I come from a loving home. I had lots of friends in school and a supportive family growing up.
I have 2 kids and when they were small is the only time I ever felt normal or happy. When they were old enough to truly express their feelings is when I felt less than again. I realized early on I was living for them. Today my kids are in their early 30s. My oldest child, my daughter and has my 2 grandchildren.
My husband who is ill, my son who is disabled from a mva and myself who was getting disability until I was investigated by ssi for helping my daughter with her kids all live in a home on their property.
I understand this and the shame is killing me. More suicidal than ever. I really want to pay my daughter the money I owe her. I have nothing. Suicide is my answer. Not asking for help just scared and sad. My life fell apart, lost my mother, sister murder brother drowned I have no one anymore. My therapist laughed at me yesterday when I said I wanted to kill myself. Im 7 iv been judged for looks and being shy sence i was i kid. I v spent the last 27 years alone. Was cyberbullied beause of my looks and being shy they even said they did beause i was an easy target.
Well 44 now and dont want to live without intmecy and love. There should be a way out for people who cant be helped. My husband committed suicide in May We have a son together who is 17 now. We only have each other now after he died. As a child I was severely abused in every way you can imagine. My family was completely dis functional. They had been divorced for many years. I miss him so and all I think about is ending my life so we can be together once again.
I am not willing to do this to him, it is unfair. All I want is out of this life. Since I was born, it has been suffering and sadness. Keep fighting im 12 but i have had emtionally abuse from my parents about me not being the smartest child they had my brothers and sisters do it too but you know what keeps me going?
It all started with social anxiety. Seeking help has helped me until the time when I was tired of my theraupist arrived. Also, I have no friends.
Although I spend hours trying to learn, I nearly always fail. Most of the days I feel and think suicidal. Thanks for letting me vent. I really needed. Hugs from Spain! I have so much trauma from childhood too. I used to get hit a lot, threatened to get objects like knives thrown at me and force-fed even when I really hated what I was eating. I want to wrap my arms around you and raise you as my own. I have a son who is 10 and a daughter I hope you stay in touch here and reach out to all of the others here.
I can say that you are not alone here. Be strong and know that people will be here for you. Lots of love to you little man. The note is a work in progress; I add to it from time to time. Most likely, almost no one will read it, and it will make no difference. In addition, there will be some last wishes for my family, just to make it a little easier on them. Every day is torture, sometimes every minute is torture. I can feel myself becoming more bitter and less empathetic as the days go by.
I want this to be over. Thanks for writing this, not as a person who is going to try to fill my head with a bunch of nonsense, but someone who has been there themself. I have gender identity disorder, I suffered a tragic loss when my Firstborn son died at age 5 from brain hemorrhagethat was compounded by the fact that he was born on my 26th birthday.
I currently live with my Wife, other sonyounger daughter and her husband and two children in a three bedroom trailer. My son is unemployed, my wife does not work, my son says he cannot work because of a knee injury, and of all the people living under my roof, I sleep on a cot in the living room when I can and do sleep. I want to initiate gender transition but lack of money and travel limitations keep me from getting anything done toward that end. I started courses at My Computer Career to address the money issues but difficulties with program have worried about failing to met academic requirements and ultimately leading my to be dropped from the program and causing defaults on my student loans.
In that event, I will be required to pay most of them back immediately which isof course in my case impossible. It seems like the harder I try to make things better, the worse they become. The depression medication I am on does not help because it treats only the symptoms but not the causes. All of this has me feeling alone, helpless and hopeless.
That is the summary of why I am here thinking of ending the suffering again. Im not sure where i fit in the scale. I think about suicide as a daily routine A few times daily and just reading the scale made me nauseous. I have abused myself not cut and the biggest one being a mental breakdown and harmed myself to where one of my eyes was a balloon swollen.
I cry when im in the car by myself sometimes. I havent written a note, but do have a video of me breaking down. Ive been prescribed on lexapro and i threw it out. My brain almost all of the time feels like theres a feeling of mass amount of tension a foggy-like pressure similar to how you feel whether youre high in a plane ride or deep in water pressure. I havent planned how i would kill myself drawing something out.
I just see a tree while im driving and think what if or a though out of a quick whim. I have medication that makes that easier. This, of course, is not a long-term solution. You need to seek out help treatment medically. One day I became really stressed and out of nowhere felt really sad. This happened a while ago. I was told that my uncle died from some sort of drug overdose and my dog got run over by a car.
I started feeling sad and nothing would help. I constantly felt stressed and I felt as my whole world was crumbling. There was one time I just stayed in bed for a while and contemplated on if I should end it now. Then I started to question my existence. These thoughts started to consume me and I felt so helpless. I believe that death is just the feeling of nothing. Absolutely nothing. I then started to compare it to sleep.
I love sleep. I then started to think that death was an amazing thing. Never having to think, Dont Stand So Lonely (CD), stress, or feel sadness for forever. My family comes from poverty and I was one of the lucky few to live in America. I want them to have a lavish life where they can just do whatever they want to do. I will never kill myself. Hi my name is Kathleene when i was 3 and half or 4 years of age my uncle was living with us and all I remember is waking up one night to felling his tongue on my private parts down stairs and it was happening a lot and one night i got a friend to stay over and i thought he would not come into my room and i was wrong he sexual abused the both of us and he made us do things to him too.
The next day after school i was in my room and I had a pair scissors and held it to my wrist and then my brother came in and stopped me that was the very first time i wanted to die mum did not believe me at all and i felt like i had noone.
As I turned 16 i went to live with my dad and we got into a fight and he pinned me up against the wall via my throat and rasied his vist at me I was seeing this guy who was a year older than me he was so nice at the start and we were together for 14 years had three kids together but he became violent and he would put me down all the time and I was so scared to leave him and on the 14 year i decide to drive him away by not doing things like I use to and it worked he had left me at first i was scared i would not be able to find anyone and i thought i was fat and ugly like the kids father said so.
He got off lightly even though i had footage about him breaking in. Been here before and pulled out of it with antidepressants. I know if you can find the smallest reason to go on, the tiniest thread of hope can twist itself into an unbreakable cord. My problem this time is not chemical but circumstantial. I need talk therapy. Will have to get back to you on that. Left voicemails for several local private psychotherapist only to not be returned. I could go to my pastor but honestly, how do we even begin the discussion.
Hang on people…just stick together and hold on. You have done what you should have done — you have assessed the situation and determined what you needed only to have the people who are supposed to help you, well, not. Keep at it. You will find the right person and that person will help you. I know how hard it is to reach out only to get rebuked, but your life is important and worth the effort.
I have since that 32 fake it to I made it lol become a mother a wife and found joy within, I thought about the day this pain would end, but so fearful of what other thoughts or where I would end up, but this past few weeks I have been planning how I want my life to go.
I want to be happy for real Not just because I have to. Just ending the chapter of this life, peacefully with some pills and wine… see you on the other side.
No i havent been diagnosed with anything and im not gonna be one of those teen girls who self diagnoses, but theres something wrong with me bc im not feeling good and i havent been for a while. See one minute im good, the next i wanna die. When i was 10 my parents got divorced and thats when i started hating everything bc my dad moved away and in the span of about a year, he had another family.
I get to see him every summer and almost every Christmas but thats about it, i live with my mom and 2 of my brothers, and my mom says and has said a bunch of things that just makes me feel like shit.
I love her, but its hard. Ever since they got divorced, off and on ive been feeling really great and then really horrible and thats making it harder every day because i dont know what im going to feel when i wake up the next day. Sometimes i dont wanna feel anything, i feel too much and sometimes i feel way too little. My mom thinks im being too dramatic, that theres nothing wrong with me, im seeking attention and its just teenager hormones. Also, ive thought about it and ive been self harming since as far back as i can remember, not necessarily cutting as ive done recently a few times and got caught but ive have been self harming myself which makes me cry when i think about it bc i was too young to start doing that then.
When ive had breakdowns by myself, i feel worthless, stupid, im a horrible sister and daughter, i dont do anything right, why do i feel like this, i just wanna end my life. Earlier today, i did something that i knew wasnt fatal, but i had such a small bit of hope that it did more than just relieve pain. I was ready to go today, which scares me honestly.
Ive talked with adults before but how do i really tell them the deep shit i feel when a lot of adults take it as dramatic actions? Once when i was asked how long i had been feeling like this, i said about a month when i meant two months, but that was also incorrect because i realize now that its been off and on with these emotions for 4 years 4 exactly next month.
Also, i hate myself so much and have for most of my life, my appearance, my actions, my literal everything and its gotten so much worse. Parents and older adults always tell me not to compare myself to others and that i should be grateful for what i have, but i cant when ive convinced myself im not good enough for years.
Some of my friends say that its just normal to feel the way i do, but i dont know how to really explain how i feel cuz its a whole lot more than what i put on here.
Living is pain. I lost my house cause of shity friends and roommates. Lost my job to shity Management. Can I just donate my body to science or something. I feel like me meekseeks:Existing is pain. I sometimes see existing as pain.
Life for the most part appears good. What you described in your life made me see you live… You go for the relationship, you are smart and can get work, maybe, just maybe try quitting drinking for a bit, or a while or. Sometimes, sharing can help, like you are doing on here. Was thinking I wanted to die but after talking with you am thinking give it a little more time and put some effort in helping myself. Constant 8 — Alrighty, I dont exactly know how to describe my dumbass situation but here we go.
Depression hit me pretty early about when I was 12, I quickly began to think about how much I wanted to die, how uninteresting life was, how painful it can be, and a lot more complicated things. When I was 13 I went out to kill myself I thought there was no one that cared about me so there was no need for a note. I grabbed a big ass butcher knife and held it to my chest.
I then realized that I needed to find a more painless way to die, falling maybe. I searched for a place in my new town to jump off of, but I didnt want any chance of surviving in fear of becoming a vegetable forced to live. When i was 14 I reached a point when I had wanted to kill myself everyday for the past year. I now know how much people love me and how much pain i would cause, I hate it. I feel like everyday is the day im gonna end myself, recently a bridge, much easier to jump off and die from cause of traffic, has entered my mind and is tempting me.
I have a combination of hereditary depression and just having a possibly self-perceived shitty upbringing. Life Story Growing up my father was the most important thing to me and that was probably the only time in my life where i was truly happy.
That period of time lasted until I was 6 or 7. One time I was in the car with him going to Walmart, I always wanted to be with him. When we rolled up to the parking lot and he had trouble finding a parking spot. We finally find a parking spot and he scratched the side of another parked car in the process.
For some reason he stops hiding and goes outside and takes me back inside. Once the cops are taking him away I start balling my eyes out while one of the cops tries to calm me down by offering stickers. My dad has always struggled with things, a month before i was born my grandma died, his mom. They had a close connection and he started getting addicted to drugs again.
I try to be really happy and energetic with him even doing something I never do kiss his cheek for some reason. He would always ask me for help and I would happily do things with him just because I was asked. I was having to do a lot of things on my own, when I really just wanted to something with someone. If I ever told my mom about the things he would do, he would confront me by saying that I have to man up and not run to mommy when I had an issue with him.
When I was in fourth grade my mom went psycho and ended up driving away from cops in a 45 mph chase and at the end her car was filled with pepper spray after she had attempted to run over a cop.
My mom is now a felon and is faced with 1 year in prison, 1 long year. My sister started living with my aunt and uncle and I go and live with my step-dad by myself. During that year on thanksgiving he tried contacting me again this time through my aunt.
He called our house phone and I picked up the phone. Earlier, my step dad said he was going to his cousins house which was just 2 houses down but I thought he was going pretty far. I think this made my dad really sad, but he said that he was my dad and he was gonna pick me up to hang out. Honestly that day was a really important day in my childhood. I got to see the Avatar movie blue monkeyswent to the fashion valley mall, and listened to an album by kiss. We went back over to where he was staying and he started buring CDs for me with music on them.
When I got home my step-dad who i was determined not to call dad again started flipping shit on me for leaving without telling him. I feel really bad at this point. I knew he bought me that cake before I left with my dad. My would like try to tell me that my full name was something different. He would replace middle and last name with his. Asking me what my name was on a daily routine.
I hated saying it, because i thought that if my dad heard me say that, it would make him sad. So my aunt and uncle are pretty wealthy and they would sometimes doing things with me. They called my step dad and asked if I could go with them. I think he was trying to isolate me from my family. He told me that my aunt and uncle were not good people and isolated me from them.
And i believed him. At some point before my mom was released from jail, I was living with my aunt and uncle again. My step-dad would come to their house on some weekends to take me home with him.
I enjoyed this because i started seeing my dad a lot again. It was one of the days I had to see my step-dad and i think it was only a few days until my mom was released. They told me that he was coming to pick me up. They then told me that he wanted me to start living with him again since my mom is almost out.
Of course I miss my mom and I tell them I want to go back with him and wait for her. Most nights I slept on the floor. One day my mom and step dad were fighting. My mom has some killer trauma with cops because one of her ex-husbands was one. She had completely believed that the cops were going to kill her. After getting kicked out and calling the cops, my step dad goes to my bus stop to try to get me for some reason while cops show up at our RV.
She grabbed me and ran to the back bed in the RV. This had cause me to believe that my mom was going to be killed my cops. I am crying and suddenly I hear the window break. The previous time my mom dealt with cops, they shot her with a rubber bullet and snapped her arm in half. I think she was hospitalized for like 3 weeks.
My step-dad imposes the idea of moving to Idaho with my mom and she loves the idea. I dont know what to think about it. Knowing that my mom was convinced, I agree. I ask if we can stay 1 more year because I at least want to experience 1 year of middle school in San Diego. I was given that 1 year.
We then set off to Idaho in our RV driving all the way there. Long journey. After we are in Idaho the realization hits me. My mom and I thought the verbal abuse was bad in San Diego?
We were wrong. After Idaho the commands increased as did the insults. We got a house and I finally have my own room again. No phone calls nothing. I go into highschool with the mindset that I was going to intentionally forget all of highschool and just not talk or make friends which I did for the most part.
My cousic kate invited me to her wedding. Idk about step douche tho. Its been so long. I ask him what kind of music he was listening to right now. My dad has always been huge with music and like discovering all kinds of it.
He started telling me about this Heavy-metal Oprah shit. I wanted more time with him, but i only got like 2 hours that night and a little bit at the wedding the next day. He shows up to the wedding and the first thing I notice is a bugs bunny tie that he was wearing. I tell one of my sisters sitting next to me about it and she tells me it was a tie that I had picked out for him.
I think in the wedding he felt really out of place and he was getting his cravings. He wanted to stay as long Hole In My Life - Police* - Walking he could with me, but he had to leave a little bit early.
When I go back to Idaho, I think about how conversation went with my dad. I know I still love him and that he is a good person. I hated that we had to meet again as strangers. My dad got a facebook and would try to message me shit like saying how he loves me or if i posted a picture he would comment nice things. I hate facebook, texting, phones in general.
I would never text him back because of this, I wanted to reconnect face to face again. When I was like 16 my mom talked to me and told me my dad was in the hospital he had 2 heart attacks in a row and was not doing well. This was good reason to call, so I did. He thinks he has had heart attacks before this one. He tells me I have to tell her how I feel. In the back of my head I think I am worthless and i think that if any girl were to enter my life, it would just make them worse off in the end of it.
After like 30 minutes of talking he lets me go. This is the last time I will ever talk to him. I stopped using facebook in like ,but my dad would still tag me in shit, send me messages and comment on picture of me that either my mom posted or that my sister posted.
I would never respond cause once again, I wanted to talk to him face to face. Passing the memories of more times being called worthless because at this point I am worthless. Say something enough it becomes true right. Literally the only time he would talk to me, was to tell me to do something.
I can reconnect with my dad after I graduate right? Il be an adult. December of I was what I thought was my all time low. I was failing highschool…Bad, and all I can think about is suicide. I have things forcing me to stay alive. January I turn My sister calls me and tells me my dad is in bad shape. He called the hospital because he was having trouble breathing and was scared he was going to die. The fear of death probably caused him to want to get high, so he smokes some meth before the ambulance comes.
The meth ended up causing a stroke in his body and caused his body to start slowly shutting down. They was blood clots in my dads veins going to the heart. They had to attempt surgery that night to insert a net in his veins to catch the clots. Im flying in that night and all I can think about on the plane is me hoping he will be okay, somehow, at least for me to talk to him one last time. Unfortunately after the surgery he was unable to regain consciousness.
Too late. The doctors and nurses would try to give me sympathy. When ever they talked about him being a donor they would say they had to take his body for harvest. I hate that they use harvest like that. At some point my step-dad calls me and trys to be a father to me because anyone is going to show sympathy for a kid who lost his dad. Anyway me being fucking me I try to be nice and shit and accept the help he is trying to give. After being in San Diego for 2 weeks I go to seattle to visit my sister for 5 days.
Mom is also coming to seattle for the last 3 days then we drive back. Her husband name was mike and he was actually a super nice dude. I dont like very many people but he was definitely a presence I enjoyed. We had dinner with him for his birthday and headed home the next day. He was murdered the following week. I plan on just being a dropout and working until I eventually kill myself when it feels like no one cares.
Then my grandpa passes away. I go back to San Diego for his funeral and decided I was gonna go back to highschool. In Idaho to try to improve myself in the place I was always at my worse. I am an 18 year old super senior who decided to go back for himself. At times I felt like I wanted to die and thought about suicide.
My mother told me depression ran in the family but I thought it was cognitive. When I was 27 I got into philosophy and later religion. This seemed to clear up my depression as it exposed me to new ways of thinking about life and how to live it. Besides a few difficult breakups I was mostly ok.
I attribute this mostly to my spiritual walk. I know that life circumstances can really throw you for a loop. I know it is all too real. I just hope you realize you are still young and there are other perspectives out there that can help you. You also seem to need some therapy to work through your family issues. These can impact you in your life, even well into adulthood. My divorce is much more painful due to my past family issues than it would by itself.
In fact they may very well be a large influential factor as to why it ultimately happened. In short look for a spiritual view that works for you. There are many out there besides the fire and brimstone variety. Hey anon, I can relate to how you feel and sympathize with your story. I read your story and I want you to know that there are people out there who can help you. You might even be able to ask for a contact at your school. My heart cries out for you and I find it unfair that you have had to go through so much already.
A lot of it is purely situational. Do you think you could try and push yourself through this last year and find a job to get out of that hellhole that your stepdad calls home? In sympathy. Do it for your dad — the real one who is no longer here. He will always love you. I constantly want someone to reach out to me but nobody notices. He is the only person that when he looks at me I can see his love for me. I have a good job and life money only am object to make others sad whom have none.
But still almost every week for 20 years I have had in the back of my head about the release from life from myself. Now he is working in insurance company and he owns a small business also, he setteled his brthr with a small business. My family, is completely orthodox, i lost my mom 15 yrs back, my dad didnt go for second marriage. Coming to the present, my dad not accepted the guy, becz of he is frm the same place whr we liveand he dont have parents as well. At present im not ready to marry someone.
You are being held against your will, that is illegal. Where do you live? Do you think you would find an understanding environment, willing to help, if you told people your story? Even tnis blog removed a very benign comment of mine which was a compliment to the sites creator and im questioned as to why this world has no place for scum like me.
Again this site might be good for those inder a 7 on this scale but pointless for those of us whom wont see this week out. I already know how I am going to do it i just dont know when I am. I still have my good byes to my family to make. I just keep hoping I can find help i think thats the reason i havent done it yet.
If you are reading this, please contact me. There is help for chronic pain. You can safely detox and find alternatives. Your children need you! Please email my [email protected].
Posted previously. BTW, scored a 0 on assement scale. My husband is the only factor pushing me toward suicide.
Theyll Never Out-Fox The Fox - Danny Kaye (2) - Theyll Never Out-Fox The Fox (Vinyl), Various - Ministry Of Hardcore (CD), Jimmy Smith - Stay Loose (Vinyl, LP, Album), Kathelin Gray - Pat Metheny / Ornette Coleman - Song X (CD, Album), Hanging On The Telephone - Blondie - Parallel Lines (Vinyl, LP, Album), Allemande - Johann Sebastian Bach ; Thurston Dart - French Suites BWV 812-7 (Vinyl, LP), Dont Cross The Line - Out Of Step (2) - Mr. X And Mr. T (CD, Album), Whats On Your Mind (Pure Energy) (Pure Energy Mix) - Information Society - Whats On Your Mind (Pure, Loco Por Ti - Conjunto Tropical "Los Principes" - Loco Por Ti (Vinyl), Love Dont Live Here Anymore (Tonys Subterrean Dub) - The Basement Boys - Love Dont Live Here Anymore, Cretin Girl - The Diskords - Blame It On The Kids (CD, Album), Humphrey Lyttelton - Sad, Sweet Song & Crazy Rhythms (CD, Album)